Your child will forget what you said, but never the way you made them feel ❤️

The 3 simple secrets to help your child feel heard

This week’s Children’s Mental Health Week theme—Know Yourself, Grow Yourself—got me thinking about the power of listening. As parents, we spend so much time trying to teach our kids, but how often do we slow down and really listen to them? Like, properly listen?

If you’ve ever had your child say, “You’re not even listening!” while you absentmindedly nod mid-email, you’re not alone (guilty as charged over here 🙋‍♀️). But here’s the thing: making our kids feel heard is one of the most powerful ways to build trust, boost their confidence, and strengthen our bond. And the best part? It’s surprisingly easy to do.

3 Simple Little Tweaks to Make Your Child Feel Heard:

☝️ Ask 1-2 questions before jumping in with advice.
I know, it’s tempting to go straight into fix-it mode. But before you do, try asking something like, “That sounds tricky—how did it make you feel?” or “What do you think might help?” It shows them you’re genuinely interested, and—bonus!—it helps them develop problem-solving skills too.

✌️ Repeat back something they said.
This one’s a game-changer. When they tell you about their day, reflect it back: “Wow, it sounds like [situation] was really frustrating for you.” or “I love that you mentioned [x], tell me more!” It might feel a little scripted at first, but trust me, it makes kids feel validated—and when they feel heard, they open up more.

🤟 Ditch the distractions and be present.
Let’s be real, kids know when you’re only half-listening (yep, even when you throw in the occasional “Mmm-hmm!”). Try putting your phone away, making eye contact, and giving them your full attention. Studies on attachment theory show that kids who experience engaged, focused interactions with their parents feel more secure and emotionally connected.

My Brilliant Brain (What the Science Says...)

Science confirms what we already feel in our hearts—listening, really listening, changes everything. Neuroscientist Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett explains that our brains are constantly predicting and making sense of the world through social connection. When children feel truly heard, their brains release oxytocin, the “bonding hormone,” which strengthens trust and emotional resilience.

Psychologist Dr. John Gottman’s research on emotional intelligence shows that children who feel validated and listened to develop better emotional regulation skills, stronger relationships, and even higher academic success. And a study from Harvard’s Center on the Developing Child found that responsive interactions—like engaged listening—help shape a child’s brain architecture, building strong emotional and cognitive foundations for life.

Why It Matters

Maya Angelou summed it up best: “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” And that includes our kids. When they feel heard, they feel loved. And isn’t that what we all want?

So, next time your child starts telling you about their latest Lego masterpiece or playground drama, take a deep breath, put down your phone, and listen. You might just be amazed at what happens next. ❤️

Love Laura Xx